Survivor: The Turnbuckle Terrain
by duchessofdudleyville
Summary: TV's Survivor....WWF Style!! Please Read/Review!


Hosts: Edge and Christian

Tribe Gungabowwow - Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Shane McMahon, X-Pac, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Crash Holly, Steven Richards, and Funaki 

Tribe Katirinji - Chris Jericho, Perry Saturn, Matt Hardy, Lita, Spike Dudley, Molly Holly, Kane, and Tajiri 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Edge: Welcome, fellow reekazoids, to Survivor 1,256,438,597,259,900...the Turnbuckle Terrain! I am your host, King Edge, along side my co host Christian, who by the way, reeks of total, undeniable awesomeness. How are ya doing today, Christian? 

Christian:Totally awesome, Edge! Thanks for asking! Anyway, to the chase, we are so totally going to rock this place! Yeah, that's because you have the two greatest hosts of all time! Isn't that right, Edge... 

Edge: Yeah, whatever. I'm the king here, they want to hear me, not you. Well, I hope the show sure reeks of royalty...I sure know I do...

~*~*~

Week 1: Gungabowwow 

Steven Richards: This tribe needs a well formed leader. Someone who can take them through anything, thick and thin. Someone willing to stand up for what is right. Someone willing to fight the good fight. We all know what is moral...and that... 

Stone Cold: Ah, shut the hell up you blabbering jackass. 

Triple H: No, Steve-uh. He's right. We do need-uh a damn good-uh leader...but-uh... 

Stone Cold: But what? You dumb son of a bitch! My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I'm the one in charge! I'm the WWF champion, so just who in the hell do you two think you are?! 

Steven Richards: I am Stev... 

Triple H: No one gives a damn who you are!! I am-uh THE GAME!! 

Shane McMahon: Why don't you all shut up? I own WCW, therefore I am leadership material! 

Funaki: Indeed! 

Stephanie McMahon: But I have more than all of you combined! I have... 

Stone Cold: A twin package of silicone, a whiny voice, every STD ever discovered, and a conniving bastard for a father. That's all that you have, ya little slut! 

Stephanie: Well I never... *turns back* 

Shane: Don't you ever call my baby sister a slut! She's a whore, dumbass! 

Stone Cold: Yeah, for once I agree with you, Shane. Fine. Steph, you're a little whore. I apologize. *smirks* 

Stephanie: Shane! You bitch! 

Crash Holly: Make it stop!!! 

Edge: Children! Stop it! Okay, team, it's time for your first vote. Immunity challenges won't come until next week...so here's your chance to throw anyone you wish off of the island. 

**vote tally** 

_Stone Cold -- voted for: Steven Richards   
Shane McMahon -- voted for: Stephanie McMahon  
Triple H -- voted for: Steven Richards  
Crash Holly -- voted for: himself  
Stephanie McMahon -- voted for: Stone Cold  
Funaki -- voted for: Indeed!  
X-Pac -- voted for: Steven Richards  
Steven Richards -- voted for: Stone Cold  
_

Edge: Final Tally...Steven Richards, get your ass off the island, because you SO totally reek of suckitude! 

Steven Richards: This is extremely unfair. Wrong, immoral, unconstitutional...I demand a recount! 

*Faarooq and Bradshaw come to the scene and escort Mr. Richards from the island* 

~*~*~ 

Week 1: Katirinji 

Chris Jericho: Can anyone tell me exactly why we are here? 

Perry Saturn: We are on this island because seamonkeys are blubbery. 

Matt Hardy: What in the hell is he talking about? Perry, what is wrong with you!? 

Perry Saturn: You're welcome! 

Tajiri: *shakes head* -silence- 

Chris Jericho: Would you please, Shut the Hell Up! 

Perry Saturn: You're welcome! 

Matt Hardy, Lita, and Jericho (in unison): SHUT UP! 

Perry Saturn: You're... 

*Perry is interrupted when Kane drops Molly Holly on top of him from behind. He is knocked unconscious.* 

Spike Dudley: Kane! That's my girlfriend! You can't do... 

Chris Jericho: (laughing) Spike...shut up! That's the funniest damn thing I've ever seen! *high fives Kane* I've never seen silicone bounce that high!! 

Spike Dudley: You bastard! Why don't you start shit on that beast over there? Huh? Yeah, you're looking in the right direction! God, Chris, that thing doesn't even TALK like a woman, let alone LOOK like one! Lita? What kind of name is THAT? It sounds like some kind of, I don't know, Mexican prostitute or something! 

Matt Hardy: That's it! You little son-of-a... 

Christian: (yells) And now, it's time for your first voting session! I bet that totally makes all of you morons happy right? (Entire team snarls) That's what I thought. Anyway, get voting. 

**vote tally** 

_Chris Jericho -- voted for: Perry Saturn   
Perry Saturn -- couldn't vote...TKO!  
Matt Hardy -- voted for: Spike Dudley  
Lita -- voted for: Spike Dudley  
Spike Dudley -- voted for: Perry Saturn  
Molly Holly -- voted for: Chris Jericho  
Kane -- voted for: Perry Saturn  
Tajiri -- voted for: yes...judging by the head shakes ??!!??  
_

Christian: The results are in...and Perry Saturn, sorry to say, but you AREN'T welcome anymore. Adios, dork-a-mundo! 

Perry Saturn: (dazed and mumbling) I'm being taken from this island because the alligators have lice and they're purple with green polka dots and they carry termites on their back and they... (voice fades with one final schrill) YOU'RE WELCOME!!! 

Kane: What a freak! 

~*~*~ 

Week 2: Gungabowwow 

Stone Cold: Look, Shane! Your pathetic little wench excuse for a sister is still sitting on that rock whining. 

Shane: Well, you know as well as I do why she hasn't left it in a week. It's the corner of the rock. Her home IS the street corner. 

Stone Cold: Oh yeah, almost forgot. 

Stephanie: (screams from distance) I heard that!! 

Crash Holly: Guys, would you please stop fighting! You've been fighting for a week solid! Don't make me kick your asses! 

Stone Cold: You? Kick my ass? Bring it short shit! I really fear 6 year olds! 

Crash Holly: I'm not 6! I'm 28 damn you! And yes, I'm old enough to drink beer, pick fights, and KICK YOUR ASS! 

**Faarooq and Bradshaw step in.** 

Bradshaw: Yeah, you're about to have your ass handed to you! Don't you ever steal our line again, you little bitch!! 

Crash Holly: Bring it! I just want the hell off of this island!! 

**scream comes from other team** 

Chris Jericho: Come over here and take your bimbo cousin too!! No one wants her! 

**voice fades as Jericho and Spike Dudley tangle with each other** 

Crash Holly: Grrrrrr!!!! 

Triple H: Crash-uh...SHUT UP AND STOP-UH WHINING! 

Edge: Time for our first immunity challenge! 

Stone Cold: Well if we just stay away from Steph over there, we'll all be immune. 

Jericho: Yeah, I mean the lice really live on those bargain basement sluts, Steve. 

Stone Cold: Yeah, and when the diseases come about...especially with the ho's...you'd better run for cover. Oh no, that rock is our only shelter and she's been sitting on it for a week! RUN! 

Edge: Okay, I won't ask... 

**vote tally** 

_Stone Cold -- voted for: Stephanie McMahon  
Shane McMahon -- voted for: Stephanie McMahon  
Triple H -- voted for: Crash Holly  
Crash Holly -- voted for: himself, again  
Stephanie McMahon -- voted for: Stone Cold  
Funaki -- voted for: EVIL...  
X-Pac -- voted for: Stephanie McMahon  
_

Edge: Stephanie McMahon...is that your final answer, team? 

Entire team, in unison: HELL YES! 

Edge: Okay then, by the order of the higher classmen on this island, take your heinosity reeking, whiny ass and get it off of this island! Go! And by the way, scorchcake, that huge ass zit is back, just so you know. 

~*~*~ 

Week 2: Katirinji 

Chris Jericho: Spike, chill out, man. It's not my fault your woman looks like a man. 

Spike Dudley: Bite me, jackass. No one likes you anyway. 

Chris Jericho: (ignoring Spike) So, what do you see in her anyway? It's the silicone, isn't it? Or wait, is it that big ass in spandex? Yeah, that's it, junior. I know it is. 

Spike Dudley: Stop it! You can't talk like that! She's my... 

Molly Holly: I'm his *girlfriend*. (walks away and whispers under breath) ...or so he thinks... 

*cameras turn to Lita and Matt Hardy, on the beach acrossed the island* 

Lita: Matt, I don't know how to tell you this, but... 

Matt Hardy: Lita, I love you too, and you know that. 

Lita: No, Matt. Seriously, I think there's something you should know. 

Matt Hardy: Then tell me, baby. 

Lita: I'm in love with someone else, someone very special to me. And together, we were plotting to win this game together, but since he's already been booted, I'm resigning. I'm kicking myself off. I love him too much, Matt. I can't stay here any longer. 

Matt Hardy: (infuriated) Who is it? Tell me, damn you. 

Lita: I can't...he's merely a woman. 

Matt Hardy: WHO? 

Christian: Ok, ok ok! Chill it! That resolves this week. Lita, you're gone...by your own free will...don't let a shark bite your ass on the way out, scorchcake. 

Lita: (in the distance) Steven!! I'm coming home baby!! I can't fight the good fight without you by my side!!! 

~*~*~ 

Week 3: Gungabowwow 

Triple H: This sucks-uh. I hate tropical islands. 

Shane McMahon: Shut up. You're only bitching because Steph is gone. Disease ridden rat. 

Triple H: No, Shane-uh. I'm only bitching because-uh you're still here. 

Shane McMahon: Do you ever shut the hell up? 

X-Pac: Obviously neither of you do. 

Stone Cold: Well look! Mr. Personality finally speaks. You stupid sumbitch. 

Funaki: Indeed! 

Crash Holly: (looks off in the distance) Please, let me go. Just send me away. I can't take this anymore. Look, I'm tired of eating the sand, although it does smell just like Austin's feet, which is a good thing I guess. (returns to tribe) See that statue of Debra over there? It's calling my name and telling me to GO HOME. Yes, over there. It wants me to go. It rids the island of evil spirits. It... 

Stone Cold: What the hell are you talking about? 

Funaki: Go Insane, Indeed! 

Triple H: Look-uh! He can say something else besides-uh indeed! 

X-Pac: Get rid of that moron! Oh wait, all 5 of you are total morons so I guess if that would happen, I would win this damn game. 

Triple H: Edge! Get your ass in here so we can vote!! 

Edge: Okay, dorkchops. Vote then! 

**vote tally** 

_Triple H -- voted for: Shane McMahon  
Shane McMahon -- X-Pac  
X-Pac -- voted for: Triple H  
Stone Cold -- voted for: X-Pac  
Crash Holly -- voted for: Debra  
Funaki -- voted for: X-Pac  
_

Edge: X-Pac, sorry to say, well, I'm not really that sorry, but, you're gone. So leave. No one wants you. Get lost, cheesesucker. 

**X-Pac walks off with no comment** 

~*~*~ 

Week 3: Katirinji 

Chris Jericho: Ah, our first tropical storm. Looks like this one could get nasty, there, junior.

Kane: We'd better run for cover. 

Chris Jericho: Under Molly's ass? There's enough room for all of us. I'm quite sure. Isn't that right, Spike? 

*Spike is speechless, but if looks could kill....meanwhile, all 6 remaining members take shelter in a nearby cave* 

Matt Hardy: I can't believe she left me for that philosophical ingrate. God damn it. 

Tajiri: (nodding) eee-no-wah. 

Kane: Say what? 

Tajiri: tee-ah-ew-oh-wee-hi 

Spike Dudley: Ignore him. Just like I'm ignoring Mr. Egotistical Y2Jackass over there. 

Matt Hardy: No, Spike, Tajiri is right. I'm too good for her. I can find someone better. Someone with brains...good looks, hell even a big chest would be nice, but that's a whole different story. 

Tajiri: (eyes widen) eee-ah!!! 

Spike Dudley: Whatever you say. I could never find anyone better than Molly. Wait, where is she? (looks outside cave entrance and see's Molly on the beach) Molly! GET IN HERE! 

*Everything pauses as a hoard of debris flies by. As the rubble clears, Spike notices Molly lying on the beach and runs out of the cave* 

Spike Dudley: (in tears) Oh my God, she's been impaled by a flying palm tree. 

Chris Jericho: Yes! There's our food supply for the next two weeks, and, we can use the silicone and ass fat to make a raft and escape this island! LET'S GO, GUYS!!! 

Spike Dudley: You're a bastard. You know that? 

Matt Hardy: Spike, he's right man. I mean, you could do so much better. Just think, you could get someone with brains, good looks, and a big chest...JUST LIKE ME!!! We could make one hell of a team, dude. Pimps of the WWF...the NEW Godfather's. 

Christian: Well, since there's no voting this week neither, I guess I'll help you guys with that awesome raft. I say we let Spike dissect her. I mean, none of us wants any diseases. 

Spike Dudley: Go to hell! 

~*~*~ 

Week 4: Gungabowwow 

Stone Cold: Another week starts, jackasses. What's in store this time? 

Triple H: Shane's the only jackass here. 

Shane McMahon: Yeah, look who's talking. You're the only one who would be proud of sleeping with my sister. 

Stone Cold: Ah, you're both jackasses. You haven't quit yet, and let me have the money, so therefore all 4 of you sumbitches suck. And that's the bottom line because... 

Crash Holly: Because the Holy Statue of Debra said so. (smiles) 

Stone Cold: You better watch it, ya little bastard. That's my woman you're talking about. 

Crash Holly: Why didn't you tell me she posed for a nude statue? It's so nice!! (grins and stares off again) Ooh! Look at the blue birdies flying around her head! 

Stone Cold: Shut up, jackass. 

Edge: Vote, jackasses. 

_Triple H -- voted for: Stone Cold  
Shane McMahon -- Stone Cold  
Stone Cold -- voted for: Crash Holly  
Crash Holly -- voted for: Stone Cold  
Funaki -- voted for: Stone Cold  
_

Edge: In the words of your own mouth, Bye bye, JACKASS! 

*Austin is escorted by Faarooq and Bradshaw to the Molly Mobile...eh...Raft* 

~*~*~ 

Week 4: Katirinji 

Matt Hardy: (still with tears in his eyes) Why me? Why? 

Chris Jericho: Will you stop whining? You're becoming as annoying as that bitch Molly was. 

Spike Dudley: (still with tears in his eyes) Why me? Why? 

Chris Jericho: You too, Junior! 

Spike Dudley: How's this...FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE! 

Chris Jericho: Big words from such a little man. You know you want to be like me. 

Spike Dudley: I'd rather be dead than be like you. (swings at Jericho, but Kane pulls him away) 

Kane: Don't be stupid. We can all leave soon. 

Tajiri: (nods) ah! 

Matt Hardy: You guys are all acting normal, and Lita left me. You should ALL be traumatized by this! Each one of you!! 

Kane: Shut up. Seriously. 

Matt Hardy: Ah, what would you know about a woman leaving you? You're too damn *fiery* to keep one more than a day! 

*Kane reaches for Matt's throat in a rage of fury* 

Christian: (interjects quickly) Shall we vote? 

**vote tally** 

_Chris Jericho -- voted for: Matt Hardy  
Matt Hardy -- voted for: Kane  
Spike Dudley -- voted for: Matt Hardy  
Kane -- voted for: Matt Hardy  
Tajiri -- voted for: Matt Hardy  
_

Christian: Off you go, Hard-on. Tell Lita I said hi, and that I've seen elephants asses that look better than her! 

**Matt leaves, still crying** 

~*~*~ 

Week 5: Gungabowwow 

Shane McMahon: You know something, Hunter? 

Triple H: What, shithead? 

Shane McMahon: I always wondered...how bad is Steph? Really? I mean her 62 other lovers told me she sucked, but considering your standards... 

Triple H: Better than you'll ever be. 

Shane McMahon: And just how in the hell would you know that? 

Triple H: Because if you don't have anything to bare, how can you try?

*Shane and Hunter begin pounding the living hell out of each other as Edge runs in* 

Edge: That's it. You're both disqualified. 

Shane & Triple H: (in unison) You can't DQ us!! 

Edge: Yes, I can. It's my show, morons. You're off! 

~*~*~ 

Week 5: Katirinji 

Chris Jericho: Now that Hardy is gone... 

Kane: ...We can get rid of you! 

Spike Dudley: Exactly! 

Chris Jericho: You wanna go, fireball? 

Kane: No, I've had it with this shit. I'm quitting. 

Chris Jericho: That's right. Be like Tajiri. Disappear. 

Kane: No, you don't understand. 

Chris Jericho: What? 

Kane: You're coming with me. 

*Kane grabs Jericho by the ponytail and gets on board the Molly Raft, cuts the rope and leaves the island* 

Christian: Case closed! 

~*~*~ 

Final week: Tribes combined 

Edge: Well, congratulations to our three remaining contestants, Spike Dudley, Funaki, and Crash Holly. You've made it quite far, which is an insult to some others intelligence, but we won't go there. 

Christian: Yes, we lost a few bimbos along the way, but all is good in the world of Edge and Christian. Who knows? We could be a team again someday... 

Edge: Keep dreamin', little bro. Anyway. Please write your votes on who is next to go off on your papers, then put them in this...um...fuzzy hat that Christian likes to wear? 

Christian: (smirks) Hey, it was a last second idea! 

(the remaining 3 write their votes, as Edge and Christian wait) 

Edge: Aah! The narrowing votes are in!! Christian: And...The final two contestants are....Spike Dudley and....Crash Holly! Congratulations! 

Crash Holly: Nooooooo!!!!!! 

Christian: Now, to bring back the LOSERS!!! 

(the remaining LIVING losers return for a final vote) 

Edge: (reads tally) And the winner is.... 

Crash Holly: Debra!!! 

Edge: Crash Holly! 

Crash Holly: I win? Does this mean I get to go home? 

Christian: (ignores Crash) And the grand prize is, five dollars, a can of dog food, and...you get to stay on this island for three more months! Alone! With the Debra Statue, you crazy ass psychopath! 

Spike Dudley: Crash, dude, you just can't win, can you? 


End file.
